Personal history is a bitch. They say you should live without regrets right? What if you regret your entire life? What are you meant to DO about that? How do you get past that? I don't have an answer to that. My mum seems to think I've got it, I know what I'm doing, and I have things pretty much figured out. I thought that too, but it turns out I really don't. I deserve nothing. I have earn nothing.

"You can't help that. We're all mad here." - The Cheshire Cat from Alice in Wonderland

Happy Holidays!

To anyone out there who reads this tonight: happy holidays. Theres been a distinct lack of me doing anything recently due to exams and such but I don't want to give up! So I really hope someone reads this... I'm "home" for the holidays now, and I've come to the sad realisation that this really is no longer home. Even my mum has moved on; I feature in her life very little now despite the fact I still call nearly every day and send letters. Realistically though , this is what happens. We drove down to the village earlier to drop off a christmas present and she got upset when I didn't really want to go in. I reminded her that unfortunately I do not KNOW this person! The whole things a bit odd for me. I have a life away from here now, which to be honest I love. Being at home, sleeping in a room with so many unhappy memories, I feel eternally grateful for everything I have now. I owe my mum for all of it. I would not be here today if it was not for her. So I have this odd unequal feeling between eternal love and gratitude for everything she's done for me, and feeling so alien here now, even in the way she speaks to me, I get frustrated. It doesn't help that we also have a guest who really I kinda feel uncomfortable around. Being here reminds me of old flames. I don't speak to any of them now. I remember breaking up with my first boyfriend and being so devastated I stay awake for nights on end just watching whatever was on tv just to give my mind something else to do. i wonder what I saw in him now. Being much older and wiser now I am able to disassociate myself with much that happens at home. Arguing, stressing, feeling unwelcome. Christmas is meant to be a time for love and gathering and families... but it doesn't feel like that when you feel alien in your home. People move on and unfortunately so do your own family.

Thought of the week:happy halloween!

This week's thought of the week: How do we stop ourselves from being or becoming judgemental? This is something i personally really struggle with, and although I often fail, I think maybe I've picked up a few tips along the way. No one likes to be seen as judgemental, and in many cases it's just not right. Now, I wouldn't have really thought of myself as judgemental before I really started thinking about it. I was quite open minded, appreciated that everyone had the right to pretty much do their won thing. But I live in a slightly rougher area of town:the nicer end of the rougher area mind you, but every day on my way to uni or work I see drug addicts and alcoholics wandering the streets, some asking strangers for money, or yelling at each other...or worse their kids. It makes me want to curl up inside away from their harsh reality. I was brought up quite well, that should always mind your manners, and care about what other people think about you. So whether I want to or not, I find myself being judgemental about these sorts of people. It was my boyfriend who brought my attention to the fact i was very judgemental, or to put it differently a snob. I guess there are different types of judgemetalism: for example, I know a man, whom I dislike greatly, purely because he has judged me. He thinks he knows who I am and what i'm about purely because of my accent and the way I live my life. He is incredibly judgemental. Possibly though, in a reverse way than I am. But my point is, if we have something like that ingrained in us from an early age, how do we stop ourselves from thinking these thoughts? as the old saying goes, you never truly know a man until you have walked a mile in his shoes. This applies greatly here. I do not know how tough some of these people's lives are. I come home every day to a loving home, and a warm bed. Who am i to judge anybody else? Love and Peace Serin x

Happy Halloween!

Happy Halloween everybody!! I absolutely love being festive, I really don't know why but I do. I spent my evening carving my itty bitty pumpkin, watching casper the friendly ghost and making halloween cupcakes-not so scary at all. The thing is, I get scared super easily, and don't want to spook myself before bed! I am dressing up tomorrow-well more doing my make up as a zipper mouth: I'll probably end up scaring myself! Boyfriend and i are just meeting some friends in town for a few drinks. I haven't really been "out" in a long time so to be honest i'm a bit nervous. As a self confessed introvert I do find it a little intimidating to be in groups of people sometimes, even though I am perfectly capable of chatting away, i'm often cringing on the inside...wish me luck! Serin x

Thought of the week Monday!

Todays thought has one which has been bothering me a lot recently. How do we let go of the past? More specifically, are there certain people and events in your past which bother you? I know i have some, and even though I try to forget and move on, there are always days when I am just plagued with regret about how I wished things had been different. But isn't this such a waste of time?! If I died tomorrow, would I be happy, knowing i had spent so much of my time, worrying about the past, instead of living in the present? I found this quote earlier on today, which really made me smile. Sometimes comedy is the best remedy. “Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head.” – Ann Landers This quote really says it all: why are we spending so much time, letting other people use up our "head space?!" We should be filling it with other much nicer things:) Love and Peace Serin x

Welcome!

Welcome!

To me blogs, are like one of two things.
1. an online journal, which I don't really like to think of it as, and every one i've started in this vein has never taken off.
2. An online "home"-a space to fill out and fill with love and thoughts and memories, and invite other people into, to share what I've learnt on my adventures today. This is my favourite analogy.

Now don't get me wrong, my life is not adventurous. I am a student, living in Edinburgh, studying Psychology. I live with my boyfriend and my cat, and we're all pretty happy. One day I hope to travel and lead the extravagantly exciting lifestyle I fantasise about, but for now, I'll make do with this.

So.

Following in the theme of my older blogs, I'll split this into a few sections or topics. Among thoughts, observations and musings, you'll find the odd review: films, books, make-up whatever.
I might also make something from time to time and show you. I am a firm believer that crafts are good for the soul!
But we'll see where the blog takes me.

I'm excited. I feel like this is going to be a very healthy space to be, and I'd love it if anyone contributed anything: comments, suggestions, feedback. The more the merrier!

I hope everyone is having a great day or evening (where ever in the world you are!)

Peace and Love xxx